- Enthusiasm: Americans are overly enthusiastic. We don't just get happy, we feel elated. We don't just talk, we talk loud enough so that the people in the next state can hear us. We don't just feel sad, we get downright depressed. The Dutch don't seem to get riled up about much of anything. If my husband comes home from work with news that he closed an assignment, I go into acrobatics and cheers. If I tell him I got an article published or scored another Little Broadway class, all I get is "That's nice, sweetie." And though he's sincere about it, I'm so used to hearing "nice" in the dismissive, I'm-not-really-paying-attention American way. But his "That's nice, sweetie" is the Dutch equivalent of the American back-flips and pom-pom waving. Likewise, my husband feels that the fireworks I display over things belittles the accomplishment.
- Unintentional hurtful words: My husband speaks brilliant English. Completely accent free and with an excellent vocabulary and grammar. It is so easy for me to forget that he's not a native English speaker. But he's not, and as such, English words don't have the same meaning to him. I liken it to when you learn curse words in another language. My mother teaches French and, at some point or another, her students inevitably learn the word "merde." They can use it in whatever context they like as much as they like without getting into trouble because it's not a 'real' curse word. At least, not in English. Often, my husband uses words and language when joking around that, to him are funny and light. But to me they are offensive. I know without a single doubt that the situation would be reversed if our relationship was in Dutch (yes, I am extremely guilty of slinging around offensive Dutch), but as we communicate pretty much exclusively in English, I notice it much more. As a result, we're both making a conscious effort to leave anything that might be considered offensive in either language out.
- Holidays: Another big difference is the way holidays are celebrated. Again, we Americans like to do things big and that includes our holidays. The constant Christmas music, the extravagance with gifts, that gushy make-me-gag Christmas spirit, the Christmas specials on TV, lights and decorations everywhere... My husband is still trying to get used to it all and not feel extraordinarily stressed out! And Easter is not traditionally a family holiday in the Netherlands like it is in the US. I found it so strange (and still do) that we spend every Easter weekend with friends as opposed to family.
- Watching the cultures merge: My husband's wish list includes a pick-up truck. I've become skilled at finding space for my bike in any overcrowded bike parking lot and can zip in and out of cars, other fietsen, and pedestrians on an overloaded bike with the best of 'em. He's taken Halloween and run with it, decorating the apartment and hallway with more ghoulish decorations than a haunted house, and striving to find the costume to outdo all costumes each year. I've gone nuts with Sinterklaas, insisting on attending intochts and handing out kruidnoten, chocolate letters, taai taai and Zwarte Pieten by the armful! And, though our main language of communication is English, the amount of Dutch that sprinkles our conversations is nothing if not amusing.
Yes, there are hardships and misunderstandings, but there is no such thing as a boring day in the Jansen house! Our relationship continues to grow stronger with each passing day, not only in spite of, but BECAUSE of those cultural differences.
What differences have you noticed in your bi-cultural relationship?
This post was originally published as a note on the Clogs and Tulips Facebook community page. To be the first to read other notes like this, head over and "Like" Clogs and Tulips: An American in Holland on Facebook!
5 comments:
This is a GREAT post! Being American (but living in a Dutch neighborhood and having a couple good Dutch girlfriends), I can definitely see these areas of ummm, 'cultural intersection'. The fact that you both recognize the word triggers is wonderful and bodes well for you.
(BTW, my husband is also American but our last name is Janssen met twee s!)
Love your post. I'm on the other side of this. I'm a Dutch expat in America, married to an American. I recognize so much! I, too, speak perfect English, and people tend not to realize that speaking the same language soesn't mean there aren't vast cultural differences. Especially the first years I made wuite a few language faux pas. We lived in the Rio Grande Valley at the time, where people in genreal don;t venture far from home, so they had no understanding of what it's like to be a stranger in a strange land. They could be quite unforgiving. But I've been in America 17 years, now, and with the help of my husband, I get most of the nuances now.
About Sinterklaas, my husband was totally shocked about Zwarte Pieten, and I had never thought of it, but now I find them quite embarrassing. At the same time I'm sort of sad that I no longer have that part of my childhood. How did you first ract to them, and what are your views now?
I'm from South Africa. Here we call our Afrikaans brothers, Dutchmen. Because the settlers were originally from Holland.
I'm married to a British lass. I must admit that there are some cultural differences. But I can also see where we as South African get a lot of our culture from.
Being a colonial country at one stage, and having our heritage from Holland makes for a very strange culture.
It's almost the same for me with my Dutch wife. Although I think British and Dutch are a little more similar that American and Dutch. We can be just as understated. I have the habit of taking my wife's English speaking for granted but I'm usually the one using Dutch swear words.
Hi, thanks for the great post. I know I'm a little behind the times on your blog but I found it when I was researching the NT2 exam and can't stop reading it. I am also an American who spent the last year studying in Amsterdam and I am now trying to make it as an expat. I am dating a Dutch guy as well and all of the things you talked about in this post were spot on. Well written and I hope everything is still going great with you. Thanks!!
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